How to Make a Top Ten List
Stock Photo – Picture of pretty woman enjoying winter vacation, active lifestyle, beautiful girl having fun in mountains covered in snow, stylish female wearing knitted gloves and warm earmuffs, wintertime holidays
(actual picture and description found when I googled “Models looking at mountains”)
1. Use bold letters in title, followed by a couple of sentences
Everyone’s an intellectual on Facebook and the interwebz, but read more than 2 sentences past the title? Please.
2. Include photos
Essential to any good Top Ten List are the photos, mainly the cover photo. The pictures do not have to contain models, but the subjects cannot be ugly and must be at least moderately attractive. Ehh, on second thought, yea, they have to be models. It also does not hurt to add a mountain or tree or other beautiful backdrop.
3. Talk about the future
The List must discuss how the reader is going to improve and make his or her life sooo much better.
4. Throw around adjectives of grandeur
People love to put themselves on a pedestal. “I am a 23-year-old genius college grad with knowledge beyond my years and I don’t have a job. I should read this list!” says every 23-year-old that does not have a job.
5. Specify age
“Hmm, I want 23 to 26-year-olds to read my article. I will title it 10 Essential Things (insert adjective of grandeur) 23 to 26-Year-Olds Do During the Hours of 11 AM to 1 PM.”
6. Address maturity
All great Top Ten Lists show growth and maturation. “When I was at the young, immature age of 23, I ________. Now as I’ve matured to 24 and a half I now know ______.” Sure, we all mature by leaps and bounds in a year and a half, but we don’t all write an article about it.
7. Make contradicting statements
Do not make statements that contradict.
8. Evoke emotions
Everyone wants to be in love, a millionaire, or an expert in psychology. Little known fact, if you read enough Top Ten Lists, you will automatically become Sigmund Freud.
9. Give advice that everyone will read but never be able to accomplish
Example: “To succeed in business, talk to your CEO for 5 hours a day.”, “Get healthy by working out for 12 hours a day, sleep 13 hours, and only eat rare Jamaican ackee.”
10. Have 10 bullet points
Even if you run out of ideas and have to make one up, always have 10 points. Always.